Our Storytelling…
Our life is made up of stories.
The stories we tell ourselves about the past, the stories we tell ourselves about how things are for us now, and the stories we tell ourselves about what our future will be like.
Understanding that these stories then determine how we feel and how we act is so important in taking control of our wellbeing and our lives, both now, tomorrow and forever.
So often we feel burdened by the past, our recollections and memories of past events, and the stories we create to try to make sense of what has gone before, to help us better understand where we are now.
For many of us we can get so hooked on these stories, and the need to unpick and understand the past in order to move forward that it can become a roadblock to contentment and fulfilment.
The past is gone. We will all have experienced events which live with us to this day in a negative way. In such a way that it will be negatively impacting our present and our future. If we allow it to!
My challenge to you is to understand more about your ability to change your story, and by consequence, change your life.
There is a long established pre-supposition is NLP which states the map is not the territory. We all have a map in our mind for past events, but this map is not the full picture. There are many things a map shows us, but there are also many things its not possible to determine by looking at a map.
To begin doing this I’d like you to take a circumstance or situation from your past which has been, and continues to be, a difficult experience for you.
What is the story you are telling yourself about this situation? What are the thoughts you have? What are the feelings these thoughts cause? And what are the actions and outcomes that result from these feelings?
Write them all down, in as much detail as you can. Be clear on exactly what the situation is, what your thoughts are about it, what feelings these thoughts generate, and the actions that result from them.
Mark them clearly as either the CIRCUMSTANCE, a THOUGHT, a FEELING or an ACTION.
If you can feel those emotions stirring as you work through these thoughts then you’re doing a great job, that’s exactly the point we want to get to.
Having done that, I want you to take what you’ve written and set it to one side.
Now I want you to change the story.
Imagine you are a Hollywood script writer. Your challenge is to take the same situation but create a different outcome. Think about how you could tell a different story. Instead of a disaster movie with a sad ending, let’s now create a hero movie with a happy ending.
Think about a different set of feelings , more positive in nature, and once you’ve locked this is, think about the thoughts you’d have to create (think) in order to create those feelings.
It’s a challenge, that’s for sure. You’ve been thinking about these circumstances, these situations for pretty much the same way for as along as you can remember, so this will take work. But nothing worth having in life doesn’t take work, and effort, and practice.
And sometimes we fail, so we continue to work and effort and practice – the new thoughts to create the new feelings, that lead to different actions and more positive outcomes. Surely that’s worth working for?!
Do this over and over, the outcome has to be something which feels achievable to you, so be realistic. Perhaps aim for neutral emotions at first to replace the negative ones, and then, maybe over time try to generate positive emotions if that’s appropriate to the situation.
The ability to tell a story is such a powerful gift to have. A story can elicit any and every emotion known to us.
We all have the ability to tell a story, make sure your stories serve you well, and bring you contentment and fulfillment.
Life & Wellbeing Coaching with Ian Gray…….What is Your Story???
